I ran into a friend at the gym the other day. I had just finished my cool down on the treadmill as she walked in. I stood holding the disinfecting spray on the motionless treadmill. It began as a quick catch up about our holidays and laughing at our families and recapping our New Year Eve parties. We departed and I finally wiped down the machine. Similar to the grocery store dilemma, seeing someone you know in produce and continuing to run into each other as you pass the cereal aisle and ending up checking out at the same time, we found ourselves both on the stationary bike.
Unlike in the grocery store my smile didn’t begin to fade, and we got to chatting while we both huffed and puffed on the bikes, slowly getting sweaty-er and complaining about how much the seat hurts.
Although the change from December 31 to January 1 doesn’t feel like a huge jump, the reflection from a year ago to now feels like a decade. To think of what I was doing or feeling or hoping in January 2024 to how I am doing, feeling and hoping for in 2025, it’s a past version of the same thing.
We chatted about how much closer we are to the bigger and wiser ages, the ones that make you say, my mid-twenties, and almost thirties. How much we can cringe and be upset by the way we handled conflict. How maybe now, I wouldn’t have said the same thing, or maybe held less anger or sadness.
Although the year was hard, for me I had a lot of health problems, moving three times, breaking up with a close friend, quitting my job, finding a place to live, etc . The list goes on forever. Yet, we both laughed thinking about how grateful we are to have had those hard times, without those we wouldn't have gotten the good.
Now, we had gotten off the bikes, disinfected the seats and handles, put our outdoor shoes on, bundled up and stood in the parking lot between our two cars. Luckily the light from the gym shined enough light to not be completely in the dark.
Can you really have a bad year? So much can happen. I now know the solution to my health problems and have a plan to solve them, hopefully forever. I am finally living in sustainable housing and I get to decide when I can leave. I got closer to people and made new friends and connected deeply with them. I no longer cry after my workday.
The bad brought the good, and the good taught me about how to address the bad differently. I had a good year, I had a bad year, it’s too long to declare one or the other.
The island is a bubble, we laughed and looked around the quiet parking lot. It forces you to wave to those you might not like in passing cars, and forces you to be social when you run into someone at the market, or at the two restaurants that are open once a week. But we agreed that it is a very forgiving place to be. You have to reflect and think about all your feelings, because there is no such thing as a private cry at the ferry terminal parking lot.
At this time, the light from the gym turned off, and despite my best efforts of pretending to reenter and wave my arms around the light stayed off. So we took it as a sign and made plans for the following weekend and admitted to how cold we both were.
I do wish I made some things differently. I still miss that friend, and it’s nice to talk in passing about little things around us. I know that I have learned, and I have to trust that my past self was being honest and validating those emotions. I don’t need to regret anything as I enter 2025, rather use what happened last year to prepare me for what is next.
A good year to come.